I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
