I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
