I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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