Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize