This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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