dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
