I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
