I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
