apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
There's always time for handjobs
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Randomize