Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize