In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
