i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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