pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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