ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
