winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
