If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
