So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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