They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
We have so much sex to catch up on
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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