so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
