I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
