no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
