Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
