I don't remember. Are we still dating?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
