I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
My vagina just recognized that song.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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