I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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