At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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