ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
