just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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