I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
