it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize