well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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