Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Dick very happy bro
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
