If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Dick very happy bro
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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