So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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