Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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