I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
