Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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