I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
please come you make the beer taste better
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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