I just made out with a guy for $7.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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