There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
cat food counts as protein by the way
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
