It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
