im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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