Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
