there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize