I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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