you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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