After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
