he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
