I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize