and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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