Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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