no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
