When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
We are all done wearing pants today
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
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