I can't breathe out the right side of my face
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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