Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
