I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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