she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
