Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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