she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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