the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
