I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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