we have officially lost it.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
