Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
