apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
