There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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