I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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