My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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