What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
She announced her abortion via fbk
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize